Easy Way Out

I know many of us are unhappy with our bodies. Dream about perhaps taking a little chub out of the middle, off the chin, perhaps you have Oprah arms? Ever thought to yourself, "if only there was a fix-all end-all?" I know I have, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. Let me follow this with saying, I'm not a lazy-arse. I know how to used the good ol fashioned body to lose weight. I jog, bike, elliptical and etc.

So, I'm gonna say it out loud--err, type it. I thought about taking Alli. Pretty Wynona Judd's up there advertising it... why not? It can't be that bad. Or... can it? I started doing a little research of my own, thinking, "I can handle side effects." Um, poop. Literally. I'm a tough chiky... but no poop for me thanks. So I went to the MayoClinic website to check things out. That's my go-to site for medical information. They speak in real terms like "anal leakage". You can see where this is going...

(um, what is that blue thing for? is it like a cork? does it stop anal leakage?)

Basically I was reading the in's and out's of the drug, copying bits here and there and pasting them into an online conversation I was having with Stephanie... I was giggling and cringing at the same time, I'm sure she was doing the same.

Some parts that really got me thinking went something like this (and, if its not obvious, I'm not directly quoting from the MayoClinic... but putting my own subtle twist on their words)...

you can experience oily excrement, little warning before the poo shoots out everywhere, and sometimes even anal leakage. And all this for just 48.00 per month. Not to mention you'll get severe stomach cramping some time and should still work out and eat a low fat diet. Also, just so you know, if you stop taking the pills, you're going to gain back all that deliciously lost weight. And by deliciously lost weight, the website says studies showed only 6-8 pounds were lost within the course of the year. Torture yourself for the weight of a small turkey and you will find peace. Who knows, if you're lucky, you might even get a little depressed, eat some more, and gain back more than you lost. Now doesn't that sound like fun? But don't worry, its only recommended you take the pills for six months, and we'll leave it up to you as to whether you'd like to torture yourself on the toilet longer than that. Please, use our product and we'll flush those pounds away.

That good 'ol treadmill is looking awfully great right about now. Or as Stephanie puts it, "I'd rather have Jillian Michaels kick my ass." Bring on the biking, kayaking, and baked fish people. I won't be spending any more time than necessary on the porcelain throne. I'd take my chicken wings and spare tire over the eternal hershey squirts any day. I bid you adieu and happy eating!