Oops, I Ate It.

Soo... this post is kind of personal for me, but I think its important to let people into your life, let them know who you really are sometimes. You know, let your guard down. You don't always have to be the funny one, or the pretty one, or the strong one. (most of the time I'm all of those. Okay, so I'm mostly joking...)

With that said, I'm going to make some jokes out of some of the things I've been struggling with lately. Some things in my own life that have brought up a lot of emotions for me. A roller-coaster if you will. A joke roller-coaster, cuz that's what I do, I make jokes. The biggest cause of 'over indulgence' is my job, which has caused me so much bitterness and anger that I don't even know where to start. So... when I'm feeling down, or stressed, or angry, I tend to do one thing to make myself feel better. Funny, it never works. I'M AN EATER.

Okay, there, I've said it. I throw parties in my mouth. Sweet, salty, fattening, low fat, home baked, bbq'd, souffled, you name it, I want it, hot or cold, in my mouth. Old bike tires, give em to me, I'll eat em like the Cookie Monster. Okay, so maybe I won't eat old bike tires, in fact, I'm pretty certain I've never even licked one (set your minds at ease). But you get where this is going. Whatever it is that's bothering me, I shove it down with a nice slice of rhubarb pie. In two words I can describe my body... rubbish lorrie.

Yesterday I was feeling especially bad, and a good friend came and picked me up and took me shopping. It's sometimes a little disheartening to go shopping when you're not the weight you want to be. And I have gained a bit of weight recently... from this 'party' so to speak and I've got to do something about it and I know it. The work-out regimen has become lax, the couch potato-ing much more appetizing, and its time for all that "rubbish" to come to an abrupt and screeching halt. Please, hold the cheesy potatoes and put the dressing on the side. She's enlisting the help of Richard Simmons to undo the damage that has been done. (A little aside, whenever I hear the name Richard, I want to scream "DICK"... ) The gym, the Firm, Turbo Jam, Bodyworks Plus Abs, and Freeweights... here I come. I'm picking back up where I left off and re-starting this 'bringing sexy back' bit. (Really, this whole thing was my friend Jamie's idea... as we were trying on far larger sizes than we like to admit the general public... but this is my blog, so we'll pretend it was my idea and I'm the motivated go-getter, k?)

So um, there's me in a nutshell. If you see me shoving doughnuts down the hatch, you best apologize cuz you've probably hurt my feelings. (ha). Now, back to work, but tonight I'm working out and getting in my craft room, same tomorrow, and Sunday I'm canning homemade applesauce and applebutter with the sis. (We're going to do low-sugar all natural on the applesauce, so it will be a perfect snack for back on track). Yeah, I work out and I rhyme... jealous?

Oh, and because no blog post is complete without a picture, here's one from Steffie's wedding this weekend from the professional photographer. (I LOVE THIS PICTURE...that old truck was so freaking cool).

No Doubt it was Rockin!

Sister and I had a fabu time at the No Doubt show last night. Outside, grass seats, kettlecorn, and Coors Light for 9.00 a pop, what more could a girl ask for? (Besides a little second hand smoke... which there was plenty of to go around, let me tell ya).

Also, there was some killer people watching. This one lady was sporting a rather nice jean vest and a flowered silly hat, circa 1981... something you might see in a Molly Ringwald movie. Yeah, it was entertaining. The girls in front of us were painting eachothers' faces and they had laminated copies of these collagey posters they'd made from magazine cutouts of Gwen. They screamed and danced and I was quite amused.

Contrary to popular belief, I can get a bit wild. I let out a few yells, jumped a bit, and shook my bootay to the rhythm. It was a great show, lots of energy, lots of great songs. And of course, great company. ;)

(I forgot to mention... there was a slight "poo" mishap. I was out in the backyard trimming my tomato bushes when unbeknownst to me, I stepped in a steaming pile of dung. Thank you Gunther for that treat. Luckily we've ripped up all our carpet in preparation for our new floors, otherwise I would have also unknowingly traipsed it through the house and into the car. By the grace of God, my car carpet was spared... as I guess it had shoved up into the waffle sole of my shoe enough not to spread all over. However, on the ride to the concert there were several poo smelling moments which I blamed on the air conditioner (hey, sometimes it stinks!) and my sister seemed to think that was normal as well. Upon arrival, it was really rank, we checked our shoes, I checked the good foot first and was like, nope, no poo... but then there it was... nasty and stank. Ugh, YIPPY).

Who knew?

Who knew your ass could scream, that MY ass could scream. Let me assure you, my ass IS screaming. Yesterday I tried a new class at the gym. I've been struggling to get myself back into working out even though I have a great support system at home and in the gym. I find myself turning to the couch for my potato workout, rather than actually moving my buns. I have to tell myself that stirring some fajitas on the stove, doesn't count.

Anyway, Bodyworks Plus Abs... wow. I have no words for the amount of pain I am in right now. My hair even hurts. Okay, maybe not, but I definitely feel pain in every movement that I make. Getting my rear down to the toilet and getting in and out of my desk chair is going to be a real production. Let me illustrate you a picture: Arms huring, somehow manage to get jeans undone, pull down just far enough so that I won't have to bend over or squat to pull them back up. Grab toilet tank, lean back, lower, lower, lower, and then just let the body fall because holy shit, those last three inches are killer. Then of course I'll have to sit there for a minute or two to recouperate my strength and my co-workers will be gathered outside wondering A. has she stunk it up again or B. has she fallin in!??? Do not despair. I am fine, only gathering the mental strength to wrench my poor screaming ass off the toilet only to duck-waddle over to my office chair and go through the whole production again.

What is your workout of choice?

The Wheels In the Sky Keep On Turning

So yesterday I went for round two of Spin HELL Class. I think its going to become a weekly thing until I look like Kate Moss or Amy Winehouse (kidding, OMG, EWWWWW, I'd rather have a muffin top). A little digression here... my sister told me this morning the Health Department has issued a warning about BAD COCAINE! Apparently its been laced with animal worming medication. Um... what? Obviously the person who was preparing the Coke was sippin back on some of Grandpa's Old Cough Medicine... Because that's just plain insane. As the world slips into a deeper and deeper depression I hear crazier things on a daily basis.

Cocaine laced with Horse Wormer, watch out kids... we're here to clean out your Strongoids (I was in Pony Club for 10 years, sorry, I can't forget the lingo...)... you may feel a slight racing of the heart or insane euphoria, but do not be alarmed, that is just the drug taking effect.

Back to regularly scheduled programming, I feel it is my duty to bring you "Spin Class From a Man's Perspective" -- a hilariously edited tale from my Sister's Bosses' Husband, who we will refer to as "DUKE" for privacy policies.

Upon entering the pink room used for torturous bike Riding, Duke exclaims as he catches first sight of the "saddle" that, "this thing is going to be a TAINT DESTROYER! I should have brought my own seat." As if that wasn't enough to send us rolling on the floor, he also brought his own music, even though he wouldn't be able to hear the instructor because he didn't want to listen to any girly stuffs.

And then my favorite part came just this morning over instant messenger as I was chatting with my sister. Apparently, last night, DUKE had made an executive decision that he was never again going to go to spin class, as he had inadvertantly sat on his balls seven times. And that, my friends, was when I fell out of my chair crying from laughter.

I suggest you don't show this to your husbands if you want them to accompany you to spin class.

Hallelujuah... Have a super weekend!

Back in the Saddle Again

OMG you guys. I did the spinning class @ the gym last night and let me tell you, it was a killer. Not only was most of the water drained from my body... (I know this because there was a puddle under my bike and my shirt was drenched) but also it took me ten minutes to actually pry myself off the bike. I think the saddle was embedded in my butt.

Why do they call bike seats saddles? I rode horses for years, that little tiny piece of vinyl covered detested CRRRRAP is NOT a saddle by any means. Saddles just don't make your crotch hurt like that.

Anywho, I managed to waddle myself out of there like a duck and somehow climb into the car.

My sister brought me a huge halibut fillet (from a guy @ her work that fishes up in Alaska) that I promptly broiled with a little salt/pepper/evoo/and fresh grated parmesan and omg, I have never had such a party in my mouth. Every salty, buttery morsel was just like Heaven.

Also, this made me laugh from this blog. Thought you might enjoy a little Friday chuckle. Cheers to a happy weekend!